...the bored techie...

So, my girlfriend and I just got back from Baltimore. I'll post at length later, but here are some reminders for myself:
The Baltimore Zoo pales in comparison to the Philadelphia Zoo.
Bodyworlds is triggering in SO many ways...
As a addendum to bodyworlds being triggering, I've been dealing with some serious body/anatomy angst lately.
I got a scholarship.
My friend caused me to get slightly sunburned.
My name change is in 5 days.
school starts in 5 days.
A few other things i know i wanted to post, but i'll think of them later.

So i had a wierd dream last night...
I'd finally gotten SRS.
Everything was wonderful and perfect.
And then I realized that I still had testicles. Like, where they stay these days when tucked.
WTF?!??!

On a side note, that led to me waking up, and having to check, because the dream was so real.
On another side note, that and some events of yesterday led to me experiencing major trangst this morning, which danaelaurm helped me out majorly with...

So, i'm sitting at my sisters graduation, blogging from my phone.
i've been ordered to appear as a boy...but my folks never said that I had to act like a boy...and i'm bending the 'look like a boy' quite a lot: i'm sitting here in girls slacks, a white cami and girls button down oxford, stockings, diamond stub earrings, and a gold, very feminine necklace.
but, in spite of my civil disobediance, i'm still miserable. see, I want to be going to trans-health today to see people from ya for queers, trueselves, and to hang by the photo project I took part in being exhibited there. In short, I want to be somewhere where i'm not only accepted because i'm trans, it's an entire conference devoted to celebrating and educating transfolk. I mean, I was there for only about 4 hours or so yesterday, but I had so much fun, and I learned so much! I met forum and web friends, went to a discussion about building bridges between trans communities, and was complimented on the photo project by at least two people, not counting my therapist.
and now i'm sitting on bleachers, stuffed into being called my boy name (which I hate) by my parents and relatives. All I want to do is to get out of this auditorium, get changed out of these boyish clothes, and hop a train down to Trans-Health. I mean, I met Danae for the grand total of 40 mins at most yesterday...and it sucks, because she came down from Canada, and I'd been looking forward to meeting her for months.
i'm jealous of my sister...i don't think she realizes how lucky she is to be facing life with straight a's, and by going to a top-ranked school. But most of all, she doesn't have the specter of transsexuality hanging over her head.
i'm going to finish up for now...i'm feeling like shit, and want to scream...
By the way, the photo project website is www.myrightself.org.