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....i have no words.
Oct. 28th, 2008 11:51 amIts snowing.
In October.
WTF?!?!?!
My car heater is broken, so i'm getting it fixed.
In October.
WTF?!?!?!
My car heater is broken, so i'm getting it fixed.
in which my previous post is 'splained
Oct. 7th, 2008 08:16 pmSo...my suitor responded to an email I sent him basically saying ''scuse me...what the heck?'
his response: 'You took my breath away. That was what I was trying to say.Not sure what the firm has to offer, but personally,I would try to give you the adoration you richly deserve. '
I promptly went 'the hell?!?!'
he then emailed a little later: 'If adoration is a bit much, how about amusement?On a train to Washington at the moment, trying to concentrate on my work but finding myself distracted by an earlier encounter.'
I finally emailed him back: 'I must admit to being flattered by your attentions, and I have no doubt that you would dote on me. But, I'm sorry to say, my heart belongs to my girlfriend of two years. I trust that, being an honorable and accomplished man, you can accept that it just can't work. I'm sorry t be so blunt, but you are very sweet...and there are more of me out there. Being a very good-looking gentleman, I imagine that you have no end to your prospects. I'm sorry... -me'
he responded to my brush off with: 'I appreciate you taking the trouble to clear things up so that I don't go on hoping against hope...., sniff sniff, etc., and glad you are in a happy relationship. If that ever changes, or you find yourself asia-bound, you have my coordinates. Godspeed. '
He wasn't really even that cute...but he was nice...
So what does everybody think?
his response: 'You took my breath away. That was what I was trying to say.Not sure what the firm has to offer, but personally,I would try to give you the adoration you richly deserve. '
I promptly went 'the hell?!?!'
he then emailed a little later: 'If adoration is a bit much, how about amusement?On a train to Washington at the moment, trying to concentrate on my work but finding myself distracted by an earlier encounter.'
I finally emailed him back: 'I must admit to being flattered by your attentions, and I have no doubt that you would dote on me. But, I'm sorry to say, my heart belongs to my girlfriend of two years. I trust that, being an honorable and accomplished man, you can accept that it just can't work. I'm sorry t be so blunt, but you are very sweet...and there are more of me out there. Being a very good-looking gentleman, I imagine that you have no end to your prospects. I'm sorry... -me'
he responded to my brush off with: 'I appreciate you taking the trouble to clear things up so that I don't go on hoping against hope...., sniff sniff, etc., and glad you are in a happy relationship. If that ever changes, or you find yourself asia-bound, you have my coordinates. Godspeed. '
He wasn't really even that cute...but he was nice...
So what does everybody think?
what the HELL?!?!
Oct. 7th, 2008 01:39 pmI'm moderately certain I was propositioned on the train today. A gentleman sat down near me, started asking me about where I was from, told me I looked interesting, and gave me his card.
what the hell?!?!
what the hell?!?!
To: my peen.Re: your situation in life.
Oct. 1st, 2008 02:51 pmI'm well aware that your existence at this time consists of being shoved betwixt my legs and held there by tight knickers for upwards of 75% of each day.
I'm well aware that this is not your natural position.
I'm well aware that you are biologically intended to inflate every night in order to maintain flexibility and prevent atrophy, and that my HRT routine has severely reduced this.
I'm well aware that I routinely talk about having you inverted, so that I feel more comfortable with my body.
I'm well aware that I don't play with you nearly as much as you like: estrogen has made other parts of my body fun. Stop being a spoiled only child.
the proper way to address these complaints to the management is to lie there, be a good little neovagina-in-waiting, take whatever I give you, and be happy about it.
the proper way is NOT, I repeat NOT, to cause me pain whenever you decide to erect. Thanks to you, I have a urologist appointment on monday, causing me to skip a class.
Further complaints from you will result in surgeons being called, capische?
Thank you,
-the management.
I'm well aware that this is not your natural position.
I'm well aware that you are biologically intended to inflate every night in order to maintain flexibility and prevent atrophy, and that my HRT routine has severely reduced this.
I'm well aware that I routinely talk about having you inverted, so that I feel more comfortable with my body.
I'm well aware that I don't play with you nearly as much as you like: estrogen has made other parts of my body fun. Stop being a spoiled only child.
the proper way to address these complaints to the management is to lie there, be a good little neovagina-in-waiting, take whatever I give you, and be happy about it.
the proper way is NOT, I repeat NOT, to cause me pain whenever you decide to erect. Thanks to you, I have a urologist appointment on monday, causing me to skip a class.
Further complaints from you will result in surgeons being called, capische?
Thank you,
-the management.
right here right now
Sep. 18th, 2008 06:57 pmThe rules:
take a picture of yourself right now.
don't change you clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
Post that picture with NO editing.
Post these instructions with your picture.
take a picture of yourself right now.
don't change you clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
Post that picture with NO editing.
Post these instructions with your picture.
Say what?!?!
Sep. 11th, 2008 10:25 amMy parents have been replaced with pod people. The reaction to my name change? The one that I was afraid would get me disowned?
Mom: 'oh, okay.'
dad: 'congratulations'
...
...
...
I'm going to go into shock now, don't mind me...
Mom: 'oh, okay.'
dad: 'congratulations'
...
...
...
I'm going to go into shock now, don't mind me...
Yay for body angst.
I hate my Y chromosome, and all it brings.
There. I said it.
I should have seen this coming, I really should have. I went back to college on Friday, and despite being fulltime for almost two months, my body angst is back, but in different forms. See, where I go, there are any number of girls who look like me...to the point they could BE me if I was born a girl. And even the ones that don't look like me...they just make me so jealous, and so envious, and so dysphoric...
Now, i've been on hormones for almost a year. I've finally been going through puberty the right way. But that also means that i've been getting more and more dysphoric about the parts that I DO have. Like, before hormones, I had reached an uneasy truce with my bits. They weren't what I wanted, but they were kind of ok. Now I hate seeing the things. The thought of me having a penis is just...wrong. I know I can't correct the problem for a few years...but just have a hard time imagining waiting that long, especially since my dreams have shifted over to me being a girl, with all the requisite parts, or at least with me being postop. I just feel...broken, really. I know i'll be roundly yelled at, but I feel like a mutant. I feel like some 5th graders art project. I'm 5'9''. I have tiny, almost nonexistant breasts. I've got an athletic frame. All those things can be ignored...but I have male bits. Those CAN'T be ignored. No matter how much I pretend them away, or ignore them...i just want them gone.
I want to be able to wear a skirt, and not have to worry about things 'popping out'. I want to be able to be with my girlfriend, and to feel what it's like to receive, to be fully there...not hiding parts of my body because they disgust me. I want to be able to take a shower, and not have to close my eyes. I want to be able to go swimming, and to wear a bikini. I just want *it* to be gone...
*sighs* i'll be less angsty next post...i'm sorry, that's not all the angst...but I just needed to get that out. I'm going to go home after work, have a bath, and go to sleep...
I hate my Y chromosome, and all it brings.
There. I said it.
I should have seen this coming, I really should have. I went back to college on Friday, and despite being fulltime for almost two months, my body angst is back, but in different forms. See, where I go, there are any number of girls who look like me...to the point they could BE me if I was born a girl. And even the ones that don't look like me...they just make me so jealous, and so envious, and so dysphoric...
Now, i've been on hormones for almost a year. I've finally been going through puberty the right way. But that also means that i've been getting more and more dysphoric about the parts that I DO have. Like, before hormones, I had reached an uneasy truce with my bits. They weren't what I wanted, but they were kind of ok. Now I hate seeing the things. The thought of me having a penis is just...wrong. I know I can't correct the problem for a few years...but just have a hard time imagining waiting that long, especially since my dreams have shifted over to me being a girl, with all the requisite parts, or at least with me being postop. I just feel...broken, really. I know i'll be roundly yelled at, but I feel like a mutant. I feel like some 5th graders art project. I'm 5'9''. I have tiny, almost nonexistant breasts. I've got an athletic frame. All those things can be ignored...but I have male bits. Those CAN'T be ignored. No matter how much I pretend them away, or ignore them...i just want them gone.
I want to be able to wear a skirt, and not have to worry about things 'popping out'. I want to be able to be with my girlfriend, and to feel what it's like to receive, to be fully there...not hiding parts of my body because they disgust me. I want to be able to take a shower, and not have to close my eyes. I want to be able to go swimming, and to wear a bikini. I just want *it* to be gone...
*sighs* i'll be less angsty next post...i'm sorry, that's not all the angst...but I just needed to get that out. I'm going to go home after work, have a bath, and go to sleep...
Sleep cycle, I hate you.
For reference, if I go to sleep at 1130 PM, I expect to wake up sometime around 7 or 8.
NOT 337 IN THE BLOODY F-ING MORNING.
I expect this to be remedied tonight.
Thank you,
-The management.
(a note: the picture says 512 because i've been awake for the past 2 hours.)
For reference, if I go to sleep at 1130 PM, I expect to wake up sometime around 7 or 8.
NOT 337 IN THE BLOODY F-ING MORNING.
I expect this to be remedied tonight.
Thank you,
-The management.
(a note: the picture says 512 because i've been awake for the past 2 hours.)
I don't even know what to say...
Aug. 2nd, 2008 09:28 amSo, myparents seem to have seen fit to deem me not worthy of using my tuititon accout program...and tutition comes due on AUGUST 5! They told me of their devious plan on Thursday evening, which means that i've got to get this straightened out immediately.
I can't decide wether I want to scream, or cry. I've been doing both over the past few days...all over what's happened. My parents forced me to drop down to 9 credits, never minding that one of the reasons that I did poorly last semester was because I was skipping class due to crying on Mel's shoulder over my folks and how they were treating me. They just...i don't know what they just.
They just. That's all I can say.
i'm going back to getting a shower...
I can't decide wether I want to scream, or cry. I've been doing both over the past few days...all over what's happened. My parents forced me to drop down to 9 credits, never minding that one of the reasons that I did poorly last semester was because I was skipping class due to crying on Mel's shoulder over my folks and how they were treating me. They just...i don't know what they just.
They just. That's all I can say.
i'm going back to getting a shower...
it's official...
Jul. 25th, 2008 08:18 am...I've regressed back to childhood. Last night, I based my cereal buying decision not on health, but on the fact that Golden Grahms came with a free Batman disc shooter. It felt good...
Also, I sent off my publication notices for my name change on tuesday. 39 days left until the court date...
Also, I sent off my publication notices for my name change on tuesday. 39 days left until the court date...
SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jul. 9th, 2008 10:31 pmYay for DM's.
I'm practically exploding, I'm so happy...
so, I text my dm. he calls me back around a minute later or so. I out myself to him, and we chat for a while. bottom line: my manager is getting called about blockhead #2, since it's not workplace appropriate behavior AT ALL.
and also? he said that as long as I was following the dress code, feel free to be myself at work. all I need to get my new nametag is to email this one guy, and he'll set it up for me.
I'm so happy...i'm going to be 99% fulltime!
I'm practically exploding, I'm so happy...
so, I text my dm. he calls me back around a minute later or so. I out myself to him, and we chat for a while. bottom line: my manager is getting called about blockhead #2, since it's not workplace appropriate behavior AT ALL.
and also? he said that as long as I was following the dress code, feel free to be myself at work. all I need to get my new nametag is to email this one guy, and he'll set it up for me.
I'm so happy...i'm going to be 99% fulltime!
So, i'm up in nyc, waiting in radio city music hall to see eddie izzard with mel. And some thoughts keep coming to my mind...
1: mel is dangerous. We've not even been here 10 minutes, and she's forming plans to do several nasty, demeaning, dangerous, idiotic...but utterly RAVISHING AND SEXY to mr. Izzard...
2: it doesn't matter if I was born in NYC. I STILL can't navigate there...and i'm marginally certain estrogen has made my bad sense of direction even worse...
3: mel scares me...she's sitting here fangirling (to be perfectly honest, so am i!!!!!) and thinking about ways to storm the stage. Not to kidnap or molest mr. Izzard...but rather to kneel at his feet and worship him.
4: i'm going to die later on because mel is reading over my shoulder...
5: CAKE OR DEATH!?!?!?!
That is all.
1: mel is dangerous. We've not even been here 10 minutes, and she's forming plans to do several nasty, demeaning, dangerous, idiotic...but utterly RAVISHING AND SEXY to mr. Izzard...
2: it doesn't matter if I was born in NYC. I STILL can't navigate there...and i'm marginally certain estrogen has made my bad sense of direction even worse...
3: mel scares me...she's sitting here fangirling (to be perfectly honest, so am i!!!!!) and thinking about ways to storm the stage. Not to kidnap or molest mr. Izzard...but rather to kneel at his feet and worship him.
4: i'm going to die later on because mel is reading over my shoulder...
5: CAKE OR DEATH!?!?!?!
That is all.
So, the past few days have been interesting...
I finally got my hormones back, so i'm not at natal male levels of estrogen any more.
my dad is interested in learning exactly what i'm taking, what its effects on me are, what the side effects, etc. Are. So, he asked me to ask my endo to prepare a memo about that. I promptly said basically 'ooohh no...you want it, YOU ask for it.' So he sent an email to her asking about '<boynames> medications and treatments'. my endo promptly wrote back 'If Allie signs a HIPPA form, then i'll be happy to talk with you about her case. The fee for the visit would be $150'. he promptly says 'maybe we don't need a meeting...' i've never seen him backpedal so fast....we'll see how that turns out...
On the other hand though, my parents seem to be coming around. I've stopped dressing as a boy everywhere except my gf's house, so they've had to deal with me as me, and not as a boy. They've actually been really good about it...no comments or anything.
oh, and I filed my name change paperwork yesterday...i didn't get a hearing date, but I hope to hear from them soon!
I finally got my hormones back, so i'm not at natal male levels of estrogen any more.
my dad is interested in learning exactly what i'm taking, what its effects on me are, what the side effects, etc. Are. So, he asked me to ask my endo to prepare a memo about that. I promptly said basically 'ooohh no...you want it, YOU ask for it.' So he sent an email to her asking about '<boynames> medications and treatments'. my endo promptly wrote back 'If Allie signs a HIPPA form, then i'll be happy to talk with you about her case. The fee for the visit would be $150'. he promptly says 'maybe we don't need a meeting...' i've never seen him backpedal so fast....we'll see how that turns out...
On the other hand though, my parents seem to be coming around. I've stopped dressing as a boy everywhere except my gf's house, so they've had to deal with me as me, and not as a boy. They've actually been really good about it...no comments or anything.
oh, and I filed my name change paperwork yesterday...i didn't get a hearing date, but I hope to hear from them soon!
six 'a one...
Jun. 11th, 2008 09:09 amSo, i'm beginning to not like work.
Not because of the customers...they're the same as everywhere else. Annoying, but tolerable.
not the location...it's about 10 mins from my apartment.
Not the pay...even though it does suck.
not my boss...he's a real nice guy. Little bizarre at times, and can't keep everybodies name straight, but he's really nice.
it's my coworkers.
two, specifically.
See, i'm out at work. They know i'm trans, and they know i'm pan/bi.
And it seems to be a big joke for them.
like today. A girl came in asking about a job, and my nobody asked if she was 18. Later on, my boss and one of the two were talking, and they mentioned that they didn't look 18, and I asked if they meant the girl, and the kid said 'yeah, the girl. The REAL girl.'
thanks. Thanks a lot.
EDIT: knucklehead #1 said that he'd knock it off. Now to work on knucklehead #2.
Not because of the customers...they're the same as everywhere else. Annoying, but tolerable.
not the location...it's about 10 mins from my apartment.
Not the pay...even though it does suck.
not my boss...he's a real nice guy. Little bizarre at times, and can't keep everybodies name straight, but he's really nice.
it's my coworkers.
two, specifically.
See, i'm out at work. They know i'm trans, and they know i'm pan/bi.
And it seems to be a big joke for them.
like today. A girl came in asking about a job, and my nobody asked if she was 18. Later on, my boss and one of the two were talking, and they mentioned that they didn't look 18, and I asked if they meant the girl, and the kid said 'yeah, the girl. The REAL girl.'
thanks. Thanks a lot.
EDIT: knucklehead #1 said that he'd knock it off. Now to work on knucklehead #2.
graduation tales...
Jun. 8th, 2008 07:52 amSo, I went back to my old high school for graduation yesterday, and was NOT expecting the most commonly asked question (not just asked of me) to be 'So, are you going to Pride Parade tomorrow?'
also, worlds best exchange...
Faculty member who I met twice before: So, you've been looking rather...feminine...as of late...
Me: mmhmm...
Her: you know, a friend of mine wrote a book called 'She's Not There'
Me, interjecting in amazement: you know Jennifer Finney Boylan?!?!
Her, sits down: I MADE OUT with Jennifer Finney Boylan!
This led to a conversation about their history, how they knew each other, etc. So, for the rest of the day, I was going 'Ye hairy flippin' gods...i know someone who not only knows Jennifer Finney Boylan, but MADE OUT with her!'
it amused me...
also, worlds best exchange...
Faculty member who I met twice before: So, you've been looking rather...feminine...as of late...
Me: mmhmm...
Her: you know, a friend of mine wrote a book called 'She's Not There'
Me, interjecting in amazement: you know Jennifer Finney Boylan?!?!
Her, sits down: I MADE OUT with Jennifer Finney Boylan!
This led to a conversation about their history, how they knew each other, etc. So, for the rest of the day, I was going 'Ye hairy flippin' gods...i know someone who not only knows Jennifer Finney Boylan, but MADE OUT with her!'
it amused me...
